Guest Poster, Dee Julian

I created the following list about six years ago and it grew with each contest I entered. I truly appreciate the hard work that most judges put into judging contest entries, and I did not start this list out of spite but purely to relieve some of the pent-up frustration I was going through at the time I received such comments. Since then I have matured. A little.

Dee Julian
The Macgregor’s Daughter
www.wildchildpublishing.com

With Regards to Writing

Eleven of the dumbest comments from contest judges
AND
What I would’ve loved to say to them.


“I don’t understand why your hero is pretending to be someone else.”
Well duh…if I gave away everything in the first chapter, there would be no reason to write the rest of the book.

“I don’t like your heroine’s name. It sounds too boyish.”
Too bad. It’s my character, and I’m not changing it.

“The sex scene in the first chapter took me out of the story.”
What sex scene? She’s trying to get away, and he’s trying to stop her. Listen, Granny, if that’s sex, I’ve been doing it wrong all these years.

“Your entry read great, and I found nothing wrong, but I don’t usually give high scores, so I didn’t.”
Why is it that those writers who can’t write are asked to judge the ones who can?

“Not sure about the long term conflict.”
You’re kidding! He threw her in prison, AND they’re on opposite sides of the war!

“When hero was shipwrecked, he knew who he was, but two weeks later he has amnesia?”
Did you read the part about the big gash on his head? Did you know you could fall asleep with such an injury then wake up and recall nothing?

“Did they use words like ‘tamper’ back then?”
According to my Collegiate Dictionary, they did. But I’m surprised you didn’t know that since I suspect you were born around the eighteenth century.

“Parts of your dialogue had too much back and forth bantering.”
Well, genius, that’s because the characters are arguing.

“I need more physical description of your heroine from your hero’s POV.”
Hero is blind. HELLO! Did you really read this entry?

“Add more introspect between your dialogue.”
Where did they dig you up? You DO realize that interrupting the story with too much introspect is a no-no, right?

“I don’t understand. Is she a spy or not?”
What part of “I am not a spy” do you not understand?